Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Wii take this opportunity to discuss shoulder related injuries.

Husband bought a Wii...about two weeks ago. Despite the camaraderie it has brought to my family (even my Dad jumped in and played a round or ten of Wii golf), I need to take a moment to complain.

My freaking thumbs hurt so bad I swear I have a carpel tunnel sort of syndrome in them now. Guitar Hero is no longer my hero. I painfully played songs until I couldn't feel my fingers just so my daughter could "buy" her father Slash. Because Guitar Hero just isn't Guitar Hero until you can pretend to be Slash.

And while we're on the subject. If you have any familiarity with Guitar Hero at all, you know of the characters offered. My son...he digs the robot dude. Daughter? Casey Lynch...have you seen Casey Lynch? Can you say NEGATIVE ROLE MODEL? She wears a skimpy little bathing suit/bra top and some fairly tight leather looking jeans (from what I can tell by staring at a cartoon that is). The best part? Once you start making money, you can buy her new outfits!!! More bras!!! With matching leather pants!!!!! YAY!!!! Needless to say, we've had frank discussions on wardrobe choices and how one should dress should one actually play wild electric guitar on the back of an open bed semi-truck, or in the backyard of some stranger who surely is providing alcohol to underage kids. Make no mistake...your soul is going up in flames once you allow your kids to play the devil's music on Guitar Hero. The nature of the dress code says so.

Evil as it is though, Guitar Hero has its merits. Like when we are able to hook up via Wi-Fi to play my brother's family in mano e mano matches. My nephew strums like he is Satan Santana incarnate. Thanks to him, I've had to put my kids on a daily training regimen so we can cowboy up real good for the next match. Who am I kidding? We’ll never win against them…but at least we’ll have fun trying!

There are other more educational games to be had. All of which I hope become as eternally damned as I am for letting my kids play Guitar Hero - for the simple reason that they've kicked my ass. Several times. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that at the ripe old age of 33, I'm going to need shoulder, knee and cartilage replacement. Why? Because you get SUCKED in.

Wii tennis fools you into thinking that you are actually playing tennis. It's subliminal, the sneaky way that this happens, but happen it does. You start out ho-hummingly swinging your arms back and forth to hit the ball. By the end of the game though, you are swinging ferociously, huffing and puffing and then the inevitable happens. You smash your hand into the wall trying to do your best impersonation of a perfect back-hand. Venus or Serena, you suddenly realize, you are not. Kids are laughing, the judge on the Wii screen (who doesn't have legs or arms that are in any way attached to his body) is openly mocking you calling you a complete idiot and asking you if you got your tennis racket out of a Cracker Jack Box. Okay, so that last part, doesn't really happen, but the Wii players DO NOT have attached limbs-it's downright freaky until you get lost in the game.

By far, my personal favorite is Playground. Although, there is one deviant on the "Playground" that I wish I could find the "kick her in the head" cheat code for. She's clearly the bully of the place as her area of expertise is tetherball. What nice kid plays tetherball? Nice kids do things like play paper airplanes or slot car racers or maybe even a friendly game of wallball. Nice, this girl is not. You should see the smug look on her face when she beats me too - I seriously want to slap her. This is what she looks like...tell me this isn't the same bully from years ago that used to steal lunch money and kick dirt in your eye...I dare you.

See? You want to hit her too, I can tell!

Anyway, I made my son beat her so I could move on the the next level. Where's the cheat code to flip someone the bird on the Playground when you need it?

Seriously though? Buy the Wii...get sucked in. It's all in good fun (except for the slutty Guitar Hero girls). But, when you do get sucked in, be prepared for some really sore muscles for a week or so, until your body gets used to the pummeling it takes. Look on the bright side though, this is NOT the typical couch potato type game system. You do get your exercise...whether or not you are physically capable of handling it seems to be the debatable part. Me? Not so Probably WAY more than me. I'm off to ice my shoulder now...Casey Lynch needs the Vast Purple outfit tonight.


Crazy Lady said...

My husband and son have come up with "full contact bowling" for the Wii. No one has broken an arm yet - but I'm not holding my breath.

Mammawannabe said...

HA! Full contact??? I want to see pictures!!!