Yes, I fake it.

And my husband knows ALL about it. In fact, he's completely okay with it and helps me do it once a year.

Get your minds out of the gutter and stop thinking about the word that starts with an "s", ends with an "x" and has an "e" in the middle. We do that twice a year. Jeesch...start thinking about Jesus (he is the reason for the season) and not something, well, that most of us have no time for anymore anyway.

I'm talking about my Christmas tree. It's fake, and I'm probably going to be burned or beaten or whatever by my real-tree-loving friends, but I admit it. In fact, I LOVE MY TREE! Go ahead, hate me for not having a real one. But consider...

• It's environmentally friendly (at least until you throw it away) - no need to harvest a tree!!!
• It always looks perfectly cut. That is, unless you allow your kids to form the fake branches. In that case, it may end up looking like a drunk Johnny Depp and his freakishly long scissorhands got to it.
• There's no need to host a "tree burning party" after Christmas. Think of all the cleaning and unnecessary food preparation that saves you!
• No scratches on the roof of the car! No bungee cords to wrastle with!!! It comes in a box!!! A box you can put in your trunk!!!
• No need to water - again, think of the environment and the tap water you are saving.
• Minimal clean up - no wayward pine needles for you to vacuum up. Of course, there more than likely will be a couple of the wayward plastic/vinyl needles that tend to fall of the tree (especially when your kids "help" with putting it up). BUT, you only vacuum those up ONCE! There's no repeat!
• Great ROI - I'm on year number 11 with this tree. We originally paid about $100 for it. So technically, I'm "getting" a 6-foot tree every year for the bargain price of $9.09. Where can you get a tree THAT cheap and still have it look good?

I know there's more fakers out there...come out of the stocking, or the chimney, or where ever it is you've been hiding (statcounter tells me you ARE there, you just choose to not make yourself known!). Tell me your reasons for faking it and there could be a prize!!!

Goodbye House

Ding-dong the house is gone! The house is gone! Ding-dong the house that wouldn't sell is gone!

It took us TWO AND A HALF YEARS, and we dropped the price about 100k since we originally listed it, but we finally sold it. Now, ordinarily this might not seem like a big deal, BUT, last year, we bought a home that we fell in love with and we have been carrying two houses for well over a year now. Something had to give, and soon.

Just to give you an idea of what we went through to sell, here’s a bit of a background for you. We’ve had SIX contracts on the house that have all fallen apart for the following various, and (sometimes) incredibly ridiculous reasons:

Contract Number One: The buyer is unable to borrow the 80k she apparently needs to buy our house from her dad. She’s one of our neighbors and also has a house to sell. Oh yeah, and she forgot to sign the contract that our agent sent her.

Contract Number Two: The wife of the couple that’s trying to buy our house has a double stroke and slips into a coma two weeks before closing.

Contract Number Three: Buyer’s wife decides she wants a different house three weeks before closing and we end up going to court with them over the good faith deposit (we won).

Contract Number Four: Turns out to be a rather shady dude whose house is in foreclosure and who also tries to win our sympathy by telling us that had he not taken a smoke break when the first plane hit the tower, he would have been a fatality of 9/11. Really now, a much more compelling, yet believable story could have been told like that his wife left him and took everything in the divorce so she could complete her life long dream of herding goats somewhere in the Middle East. THAT would have been more believable to me, especially since I googled the guy and his website CLEARLY states he had his real estate business, HERE in this STATE that we both live in for more than thirteen years. How he could manage to lose every bit of his “business” in New York, but yet still run a “successful” real estate business here, is nothing short of confounding in nature. Needless to say, we walked away from him (perhaps ran would be a better choice) when he requested we do an off-the-books side deal that would get him an additional 15k in cash.

Contract Number Five: The buyers in this instance just couldn’t sell their house and the poor souls gave up trying. We know their pain…more than we care to admit.

Contract Number Six: The buyers love the house and then proceed to ask for enough money to fix EVERY little thing that came up in the home inspection. We ended up dickering, and dickering, and then finally, they got frustrated and walked.

Two months ago, we decided we would pull it off the market for a year and try to rent it out. As it turned out, our renters wanted to buy it. We closed last week.

This is a weight lifted off us like no other. Do you know what this means? Selling this house means we can now afford to buy shoes for the kids and maybe, just maybe some food other than the “five boxes of mac-n-cheese for five dollars” we’ve been feeding them. I’m kidding! It’s been tight, but not THAT tight. Seriously though, what this means is we can move forward on a bunch of projects we’ve been planning. Maybe fatten up our retirement funds a bit more and pay off the cars…who knows? It’s just nice to not have to send that extra check out every month.

On an end note, I don’t recommend at all the carrying of two homes at once unless you’ve either married into money or have a successful prostitution ring on the side that covers one of the mortgages. On the off-chance you don’t have either of those two options available, I strongly recommend waiting…until like, 2010 or so, when the housing slump is “supposed” to be over. Come on now, it’s only another two years…

An Interview by (a) Crazy Lady (in Vegas, of course)

So, Kari (a.k.a Crazy Lady in Vegas) was doing this interview thing, wherein her friends asked her a bunch of questions, she answered them and posted them on her blog. I jumped in and wanted to play. She emailed me some questions to answer, and I started to...I really did, and them the life got sucked right out of me by some unforeseen events (surprise b-day party for my husband that I waited to the last minute to prepare for AND plan). Alas, I now have some time, so without further adieu, I bring you my interview with Kari!!!

How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage?

It took my husband a mere three years to realize that he had, in fact, landed a gem. I mean, those less-than-stellar cooking skills! OH MY! The fact that the gene we like to call “domestic goddess” was totally bypassed on this one! WOW!!!

Don’t let him fool you, he knows he scored big with me.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

In general? My life is a constantly occurring embarrassing moment – I liken it to a freakish Merry-Go-Round. But, if I can only choose one…

The time I took my then 3 year old son into the bathroom with me at Sears so I could pee. As I was hovering over the toilet (you all know what hovering is), my son leaned over sideways and looked at me all confused before exclaiming, “MOM! YOU PEEING OUT YOU BUTTHOLE”. The snickering was endless from all stalls. I couldn’t wash my hands fast enough.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

This one is tough. Some days, I really want to go back to Montana (it’s so CLEAN compared to a lot of places). Others, I don’t ever want to move…I just wish for the ability and money to travel anywhere, whenever I want to (oh, and the ability to leave the kids, whenever).

What do you do when you are feeling creative?

Sadly, most times, I attempt to clean the bottomless pit of despair we like to call home. Other times, I give my best shot at knitting scarves (two currently in progress) and making jewelry.

Its time to cook dinner for some VIP – What do you fix?

Macaroni et fromage – that’s French for “This is all I know how to cook. Suck it up and eat already.” It’s a very famous dish, I swear.

Breaking News

NEW HAMPSHIRE – A brazen attack on a home here has authorities calling for a nationwide manhunt for the “Backwards Burglar”.

“I’ve never seen anything like this.” says Lead Investigator House Izzawickeddirty, “The perpetrator actually added stuff to this room with little to no concern as to what it would do to the child’s mother!”

Exhibit A - The Room

An apparently invisible burglar wore nearly every article of clothing and left it all in a heap on the child’s floor. “This is shocking to me, especially since I JUST DID HER LAUNDRY TWO DAYS AGO and I was assured by her that I had gotten it all!” cried the mother, who wishes to remain anonymous. In a bizarre turn of events, the burglar also crammed what authorities are referring to as “mountains of crapola” into the girl’s room AND into the mother’s craft room next door. “I just don’t know how we’ll recover!” the mother sobbed when speaking to reporters “I mean, I can’t possibly catch up on all this housework!”

Exhibit B - Some of the laundry in question

Exhibit C - More of the questionable laundry

Exhibit D - The Craft Room

Authorities are mum on what they believe to be the motive behind this unusual attack. "You don't typically see this type of job 'round these parts." says Izzawickeddirty "Usually, the crooks TAKE stuff away, they don't leave more. I'm just outright befuddled how something like this could've happened."

When questioned, the little girl whose room was attacked stated simply “I don’t know how it got this way…coulda been my brother, but then, it coulda been the aliens too…I just don’t know."

Exhibit E - The child

Even with little information from the child, authorities are confident they will catch their kid man. “We have our leads.” says Investigator Izzawickeddirty, “The crook left handprints on the windows and all down the stairwell. We’ll catch him!”

Exhibit F - Finger/handprints of the perpetrator(s)


Exhibit G - More prints left on the walls by the crook(s)

Anyone with information, or ideas on how to prevent this type of crime from ever occurring again is asked to call the House Crimes Hotline at 1-800-CLEANUP.

For Tanner...

Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored is raffling off some VERY cool, VERY hot (as in mistakenly stolen) items to raise money for a very special little man named Tanner - the nephew of Her Bad Mother. Please pay her a visit, steal a duck button for your own blog (like the one I have to the right) and help raise money for a great cause!

Sarcasm = Bad Mommy

One day last year, my daughter was acting as though she had been raised by a pack of beagles. She was loud, out of control and in general, all over the map. I looked over at her, rolled my eyes and said, "Child, you need to be medicated." She giggled, I smiled and she was distracted enough to calm down.

I dismissed ever saying that because in our house, sarcasm rules. If you were a stranger sitting in our kitchen and heard the conversations, you might be shocked and wonder why my husband and I ever got married (and procreated, for that matter). If you were a friend, you would laugh, because that's who we are.

If you are my daughter's teacher, you call me up to ask what particular medication my daughter needs to be on, and "why hasn't the school been notified that she needs to be medicated?"

HOLY CRAP. Try being the mom on that particular parental gem and tell me how you feel afterwards. When I heard the teacher ask me "why, why, why," I was stunned. It took me forever to figure out what on earth she was talking about. I asked her if she was sure she was calling the right parent. Her response? "Well, she was acting up a bit in class, which was unusual for her, so I asked her what was wrong with her. She looked at me and said that her mother told her she needed medication."

I had to explain to this teacher that I had made that particular comment on a particularly LOUD and UNRULY day for my daughter (who DOESN'T have a kid with days like that?), and while I shouldn't have said it, I truly didn't mean it - it was simply a flip remark. Nothing more.

"Well, here at this school, we don't joke about matters like this, we take them VERY seriously."

I wonder what they would have said if I had ever made the comment, "what are you smoking?" to my kids...which I haven't, and I swear I won't... ever. Well, at least not until they are 18, out of my house and can be held fully responsible in a court of law for anything they do. Because then? It won't make me look any worse as a mother than I did to that one teacher, that one day.

How was your summer?

Mine was good. It dragged on and on endlessly like a professor I once had in college. I swear I could her the wind uttering "ummmmmm......" every day, just like he did. The only difference was back then, it put me to sleep (did I mention I sat in the front row?). This summer, it edged up my blood pressure.

We tried to do some fun things with the kids. We took them to an amusement park that was probably 1/25th the size of Disney, but the lines were nearly unbearable. I still think they had fun. Especially since one of them walked out of the park with a weiner hat, courtesy of their Dad. What kid's life isn't immediately bettered by the purchase of a weiner hat????

We took them to a water park which was more fun than I thought it would be. I went on one ride that should have been called "pee in your suit & puke at the end" because that is precisely what I felt like doing when it was over. The kids, they LOVED it.

Mostly though, what the kids did for fun was pepper me with questions (ALL.DAY.LONG) and fight with each other. "She knocked the sandwich out of my hand - and the doooooggggg ate it!". "He hit me in the head with a pillow and my eyyyyyyyyyeeeee hurtsssss!!!".

I can tell you there were many more days of fighting back and forth than there were of pure enjoyment. Wait, maybe they enjoyed the fighting? Or, maybe they enjoyed seeing my eyes bulge out of my head whenever they would sneak up on me and start tattling on each other. Yes, I think that's it. I couldn't ever find one location anywhere where I could get just five minutes of quiet. If I walked outside, there was always a child right behind me. If I was in the bathroom, there was a child knocking at the door.

I know, I know. It's called Stay-At-Home-Mom for a reason. Be a mom, right? I tried, I promise you I did. I think we all have those days that make us want to run screaming from the house. It just so happens that I had a LOT of those this past summer.

Now they are back in school (hooray!). And the only word I can come up with is this: bliss. It's been lovely. I have knitted like I have never knitted before (crooked scarves are IN, right?). I have nearly caught up on my laundry. I was on top of the dishes (until the kids made brownies using 17 different kitchen utensils, 2 pans, and 3 bowls - Betty Crocker, they are not). It is just so nice to have the house to myself. Multiple televisions are not screaming out Hannah Montana, World War III isn't occurring, there's no milk left on the counter, and I'm not finding wrappers all over the floor. I can get things done without having to chase anyone through the house to pick up after them.

I HEART SCHOOL. Mainly because now that they are back in school, I have my sanity back. I'm much more relaxed when they walk through the door now and I can handle their fights without feeling a coronary coming on.

And you....?

WANTED: Straight Jacket; preferably on the newer side without any drool stains.

I'm officially losing it. Maybe I never had it? I'm having minor panic attacks just walking through the house. To outsiders, perhaps, the house itself might not look that dirty. To me, it looks like someone picked it up and shook it all around and then put it back down.

I'm in house HELL.

What has happened? I opened a drawer in the kitchen and all of a sudden, a dim bulb went on above my head. TIME TO REORGANIZE. Not just the drawer, the whole freaking house. I've got bins for this, and bins for that, trying to "keep like with like". Right-o. It's working like a charm.

I start in one area, then pass through another on my way to do something for the first area and something ENTIRELY different catches my eye, so I drop what I'm doing to focus on the new thing. ADHD much? About the only good thing to come of all this is that I think I've finally discovered some missing socks. There were 3 under my bed alone (thank you Bella), one hidden in a basket in the kids' cubbies, and a whole slew of dirty ones behind the dresser in my son's room. I have yet to locate the rest, but I think I've put a big dent in the 4,762 that were missing prior to this exercise.

I spent nearly an hour trying to avoid a simple throw-away task. I had 3 used gift bags that were still in pretty good condition just sitting on my desk. That irritating little voice in my head kept telling me to just keep them, you might use them someday. Someday??? How about never? Every single time I'm in need of a gift bag, I'm already on my way to a party anyway and have to stop to buy a gift, so I always, ALWAYS just buy the bag when I buy the gift. Wasteful, yes, I know. My family has a gene called "hoard" that I'm trying desperately to avoid. Hanging on to those three bags would surely wake that gene up from hibernate mode.

As I write, I've actually stopped "organizing" for fear of hyperventilating myself to death. I walk out of one room and into another and OH MY GOD! THE HORROR! Must get to work in here...NOW. Then I can't breathe...so I walk around aimlessly, trying to establish some sort of normal breathing pattern. It never works. Tears start to form and I walk away from the spot, completely discouraged.

Know what else? It never fails that once I get some small spot cleaned up and Felixed (READ: Odd Couple reference), there's a demon possessed child waiting right behind me. That child wreaks havoc on that one spot because it's fun, apparently, to make your mom cry and breathe heavily into a paper bag. What better way to get her out of the house and into a straight jacket?

Irritants

Shirts inside of shirts. WHAT.IS.THE.DAMN.ISSUE????? Is the actual 2.5 seconds it takes to separate the clothes actually considered a waste of time? Why is this annoying habit seemingly an inherited trait? Did you train the boy to do it too, just to see what I would do?

Teachers who yell at my daughter to "stop limping" when she has a 3-inch long section of MULTIPLE layers of skin, missing from the bottom of her foot. You teach, therefore, you should be able to approximate the length of this gash (if you cannot approximate, think roughly along the lines of the length of a deck of playing cards). Because you teach, you should also be able to empathize with this child, knowing that such a gash, should it be placed on the bottom of your foot, will likely hurt like hell. If you absolutely are unable to imagine such a mishap befalling one such as yourself, please, come over to my house. I will gladly take my potato peeler to the bottom of your foot.

Dudes that like to look all "tough and shit", swinging their arms and screaming obscenities at their girlfriends while I'm peacefully driving by. Do you think after I honk my horn at you that I'm NOT going to stop 100 feet down the road when I see a police cruiser and tell them what your punk ass is up to? Oh yeah, and that was your kid in the car I presume? Nice example you're setting...ass hat.

Teenage employees at KFC talking to their friends in the middle of a busy time. No, I don't care if you chat it up with your friends. Yes, I do care if you discuss who you're sleeping with in a CROWDED restaurant. I was most impressed with the fact that you were able to make a sentence by stringing together the f-bomb (17 times) and some other small words and form a semi-coherent sentence. The nice 97 year old lady in front of me appreciated too...she started having a mild stroke after the 50th time you said what you did to that poor boy in the back of his car. I almost forgot to mention, all of the parents in the room that were oh-so-relieved that they didn't have to have the birds and the bees discussion with their children thanks to the way you so delicately described the act of sex for everyone to hear. Well done. You are marked for greatness my dear. In fact, you SO deserve a raise.

Laundry multiplies exponentially, yet socks seem to vanish at the exact moment I need to pack 8 pairs for my son's trip the very next day. Whoever thought this one up is extremely clever. I'd like to meet them...for a blanket party. I will bring the LEFTOVER socks that DO NOT HAVE A MATCH and fill them with the itty bitty chunks of bar soap that everyone usually leaves in the shower for me to pick up and replace with a full bar of soap. That oughta leave a mark, don't you agree?

My Review: The momAgenda

For years now, I have relied on a Palm Pilot, then a Treo, and now a Cingular 8125 to try to keep me organized. It never worked. After "forgetting" about a few key appointments (ie - soccer practice and a game), I panicked, cursed myself out, and vowed to find a new way to stay on top of things.

For a lot of people keeping a digital agenda works, and works well. At my best, I had EVERYTHING in my phone. At my worst, I had my phone and 8,472 sticky notes with things I should put into my phone. Right here was where I should have realized that I would be better off writing things down instead of trying to find time to type them in. But no. I didn't do that; not even a little bit.

Enter a frantic web search for "agenda for mom". Up popped the momAgenda...I was hooked. I hemmed and hawed for over a week before finally deciding to buy one. It came with a momEssentials book, where you write in all of your VERY important, not-to-forget information, such as phone numbers, birthdays, and medical history information (for that not-so-nice moment when you decide to clock your husband with something that is extremely heavy; for instances such as these, you are prepared). My favorite part of it all though, is the agenda. It is LOVELY. The first few pages are the "month" pages...followed by the meat of it all, your weekly agenda. I LOVE THE WEEKLY AGENDA.

The weekly agenda is important here because it has your week running along the top, and four spaces underneath wherein you write in what your kids have going on. GENIUS!!! I can glance at one day and see what EVERYONE is doing. Even better? It has an extra space on the bottom for you to write in what you are planning to have for dinner each night.

Check it out:



Before you ask, yes, I stole this image from the site. My intentions are pure though, this is a great system for mothers (oh, and they offer an agenda that is for "everyone" in addition to different sizes and colors). And before you ask again, no, I haven't put my meals in my agenda...it would pretty much only say "Mac & Cheese" or "Chicken Nuggets" every day, so I figure, why bother? I will get to the point where I actually cook some sensible meals, but for now, my husband takes care of our meals, and I'm happy to let him do so.

If you're looking for a way to get a grip on your everyday life, this could be your answer. I HIGHLY recommend it. And? I did this review on my own. No one asked me to do this, I'm not getting paid for it. While my writing skills may not be as high as those of a "real" writer, I think that when I offer something from one mom to another and say it "KICKS ASS", that might just hold some weight with you people. Check it out, you might like it!

A big THANK YOU!

Just a quick post to say thanks to EVERYONE who contributed to the MS Walk on my behalf. Our team actually beat (read: pummeled into the ground) our goal of $4,600! We couldn't have done that without your help, and it is SO very appreciated!!! Countless lives will be helped with your donations and I sincerely hope that you realize what a difference you have made.

THANK YOU!!!

A Cure

My friend Amy and I go back a ways...a LONG ways. She's seen me at my worst, listened to my hysterics, and has been woman enough to tell me when I'm being stupid and paranoid. She's been my friend...for more than 10 years.

For as long as we've been friends and for a while before that, her mother has had MS. At first, it was just a known fact. If you knew Amy, then you knew her mother had MS. Then it became a harsh reality as we watched her mother slowly deteriorate. The thing about MS is that it robs you of your body. Your mind is completely intact and sharp while your body just stops working. Amy’s mom continued to work as long as she could and even became a source of inspiration for others suffering the same disease as she wrote articles and letters about her disease. She inspired me without even knowing that she had. I’ve watched her, over the years succumbing to this disease, and just not giving up. She found love while confined to her wheelchair knowing that she physically couldn’t wrap her arms around him, but also knowing that mentally giving everything she had was well worth it. She’s a true woman in my eyes; filled with enough love to make everything okay…even though she’s facing what she’s facing.

Here's some more brief but sobering facts about MS:

• Over 400,000 Americans are currently living with MS, and someone is newly diagnosed every hour.
• MS usually strikes between the ages of 20 to 50.
• Two to three times as many women as men have MS.
• Having multiple sclerosis means that you may not be able to walk when you wake up. Or that you may suddenly have impaired vision. Or that your memory will fail you for no apparent reason. The symptoms of MS are different, and devastating, for everyone.

For my friend Amy's mother, MS has meant going from walking, to walking with a cane, to being wheelchair bound. There's no doubt Amy will someday lose her mother, and it will be sooner than her mother's intended time to go. I can't even come close to imagining what Amy's life will be like without her mother there.

So, over the next few weeks, I will be trying various different ways to try to raise money for the MS Lifelines Walk in Portsmouth, NH. I am hoping to get some support from you all. The easiest way to contribute is to go to the official webpage of the team that my friend Amy is leading: National MS Society-NE Chapter. Our team is Wiggins’ Warriors. Named appropriately, for the fact that we are not only walking for Amy’s mother, but also for her Aunt, who has also been diagnosed with MS. She has not one, but TWO people in her life that are touched by this disease…TWO.

At the very least, I'm hoping that this post will inspire you to contribute - if not to this cause then to something equally as important. If we don't, as individuals, step up to try to make a difference because we assume someone else is already doing it, then we've become lazy, and our world is no better for it. Take a chance on a cause; a good and worthy cause and see how good it feels to make a difference in someone's life. You never know who's mother you can save :)


*Special thanks to Jenn at Mommy Needs Coffee for inspiring me to post this. She is currently supporting this cause as she has already lost her mother to MS. Check her out!!!

High Aspirations...

Son: When I grow up, I wanna work at McDonald's.

Mom: Don't you think you'd be more capable than that?

Son: Yeah, but I'd get a discount on hamburgers and Happy Meals!

Mom: Uhhhh...Uncle Rick worked at McDonald's when he was in high school and he will never again eat there...does that say anything to you?

Son: I bet he wished he worked at Walmart instead!

Mom: Why is that?

Son: Because they pay like, 7 dollars an hour...that's a lot of money!

Mom: There's jobs that pay even more than that you know.

Daughter (finally waking up to join the conversation): Why're you picking Walmart? Target is so much better!

Son: Yeah right! They only pay like...minimum wage or something!

Mom: What's minimum wage?

Son: Like, 7 dollars an hour or something.

Abercrombie Wannabe

I'll admit that I've actually forced my body to walk into an anorexic person's dream store - a.ka. Abercrombie & Fitch. Actually, I sort of forced hubby's body to walk in there too. We were on a quest to buy him some new duds, and that happened to include a couple of funny t-shirts. I knew this store had some that he might laugh at (as witnessed on other people's bodies), so we braved the looks of the super-model, super-thin staff, and had ourselves a look.

I should tell you that a store like this intimidates me. It does on many levels. First, I'm pretty sure that on the application for employment it asks you the following questions:

FOR FEMALES:

1) What size clothes do you wear? (If you answer other than sizes 0, 2 or 4, please discard this application and try working at our Plus Size stores.)

2) How many times a day do you throw up? (Maintenance of weight is of utmost importance; if you answer less than 1, please discard this application and try to get hired at the Food Court.)

3) Does your vocabulary include words such as: "like" "ohmygawd" or "haaawwt"? (Ability to communicate with our customers is key - we ask that if you cannot say these words in earnest, you discard this application and apply at the smoke shop here in the mall).

FOR MALES:

1) What size waist do you have? (If you answer larger than a 28, please discard this application and walk straight down the mall walkway and apply at the Big & Tall store.)

2) Do you have the ability to mutter words such as "hey" and "how'r you" while simultaneously sizing up the person you are speaking to AND fluttering sexy eyes? (If you answer other than yes here, we ask that you discard this application and proceed to the Computer Gaming Store to ask for an application. We assume that by answering No, you are already deeply embedded into the Geek culture.)

3) Do you consider yourself to be chiseled? (If no, just discard this application.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second, I'm almost certain (at least in the store we've gone into) that if you walk in there and you are more than a size 4 as a female, or you are looking for a size large t-shirt as a male (because hey, you actually wear a large t-shirt) you will be SOL in finding ANYTHING that fits. Hubby held up a t-shirt that was a size large and said "I'm not into wearing tight clothes". Hmmmph. He was disappointed, and honestly, so was I.

Unfortunately, we cannot shop in that store. Hubby tried to find a pair of jeans in there that was NOT shredded to pieces, AND was his waist size; no dice. I tried on a size 6 and a size 8 pair of jeans and couldn't get my thighs into either pair. I have jeans that are a size 6 and a size 8 that do not come from here, and they fit perfectly! I think the Abercrombie execs sit there and come up with ways to keep what they consider to be Plus Size, out of their store. "Hmmmm....let's manufacture size 6 jeans, only, we need to make them smaller than an actual size 6. Let's face it folks, if a woman can't get into these jeans, she shouldn't be wearing our label."

Point well taken.

A heartfelt letter to the Tooth Fairy...and her response.

Here is what the "Tooth Fairy" came across while in stealth mode to retrieve a tooth that is, after all, hers:



And her response? See for yourself...




GAWWWD...the Tooth Fairy is so bitchy lately, don't you think???