Abercrombie Wannabe

I'll admit that I've actually forced my body to walk into an anorexic person's dream store - a.ka. Abercrombie & Fitch. Actually, I sort of forced hubby's body to walk in there too. We were on a quest to buy him some new duds, and that happened to include a couple of funny t-shirts. I knew this store had some that he might laugh at (as witnessed on other people's bodies), so we braved the looks of the super-model, super-thin staff, and had ourselves a look.

I should tell you that a store like this intimidates me. It does on many levels. First, I'm pretty sure that on the application for employment it asks you the following questions:

FOR FEMALES:

1) What size clothes do you wear? (If you answer other than sizes 0, 2 or 4, please discard this application and try working at our Plus Size stores.)

2) How many times a day do you throw up? (Maintenance of weight is of utmost importance; if you answer less than 1, please discard this application and try to get hired at the Food Court.)

3) Does your vocabulary include words such as: "like" "ohmygawd" or "haaawwt"? (Ability to communicate with our customers is key - we ask that if you cannot say these words in earnest, you discard this application and apply at the smoke shop here in the mall).

FOR MALES:

1) What size waist do you have? (If you answer larger than a 28, please discard this application and walk straight down the mall walkway and apply at the Big & Tall store.)

2) Do you have the ability to mutter words such as "hey" and "how'r you" while simultaneously sizing up the person you are speaking to AND fluttering sexy eyes? (If you answer other than yes here, we ask that you discard this application and proceed to the Computer Gaming Store to ask for an application. We assume that by answering No, you are already deeply embedded into the Geek culture.)

3) Do you consider yourself to be chiseled? (If no, just discard this application.)

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Second, I'm almost certain (at least in the store we've gone into) that if you walk in there and you are more than a size 4 as a female, or you are looking for a size large t-shirt as a male (because hey, you actually wear a large t-shirt) you will be SOL in finding ANYTHING that fits. Hubby held up a t-shirt that was a size large and said "I'm not into wearing tight clothes". Hmmmph. He was disappointed, and honestly, so was I.

Unfortunately, we cannot shop in that store. Hubby tried to find a pair of jeans in there that was NOT shredded to pieces, AND was his waist size; no dice. I tried on a size 6 and a size 8 pair of jeans and couldn't get my thighs into either pair. I have jeans that are a size 6 and a size 8 that do not come from here, and they fit perfectly! I think the Abercrombie execs sit there and come up with ways to keep what they consider to be Plus Size, out of their store. "Hmmmm....let's manufacture size 6 jeans, only, we need to make them smaller than an actual size 6. Let's face it folks, if a woman can't get into these jeans, she shouldn't be wearing our label."

Point well taken.