Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Breaking News

NEW HAMPSHIRE A brazen attack on a home here has authorities calling for a nationwide manhunt for the “Backwards Burglar”.

“I’ve never seen anything like this.” says Lead Investigator House Izzawickeddirty, “The perpetrator actually added stuff to this room with little to no concern as to what it would do to the child’s mother!”

Exhibit A - The Room

An apparently invisible burglar wore nearly every article of clothing and left it all in a heap on the child’s floor. “This is shocking to me, especially since I JUST DID HER LAUNDRY TWO DAYS AGO and I was assured by her that I had gotten it all!” cried the mother, who wishes to remain anonymous. In a bizarre turn of events, the burglar also crammed what authorities are referring to as “mountains of crapola” into the girl’s room AND into the mother’s craft room next door. “I just don’t know how we’ll recover!” the mother sobbed when speaking to reporters “I mean, I can’t possibly catch up on all this housework!”

Exhibit B - Some of the laundry in question

Exhibit C - More of the questionable laundry

Exhibit D - The Craft Room

Authorities are mum on what they believe to be the motive behind this unusual attack. "You don't typically see this type of job 'round these parts." says Izzawickeddirty "Usually, the crooks TAKE stuff away, they don't leave more. I'm just outright befuddled how something like this could've happened."

When questioned, the little girl whose room was attacked stated simply “I don’t know how it got this way…coulda been my brother, but then, it coulda been the aliens too…I just don’t know."

Exhibit E - The child

Even with little information from the child, authorities are confident they will catch their kid man. “We have our leads.” says Investigator Izzawickeddirty, “The crook left handprints on the windows and all down the stairwell. We’ll catch him!”

Exhibit F - Finger/handprints of the perpetrator(s)

Exhibit G - More prints left on the walls by the crook(s)

Anyone with information, or ideas on how to prevent this type of crime from ever occurring again is asked to call the House Crimes Hotline at 1-800-CLEANUP.


Crazy Lady said...

Oh my! This is a very bad person. With a wide range. I believe this is the same dastardly person who has stuck my house. Because my sweet *ahem* children certainly did not make such horrid mess on their own.

Or so they would have be believe...

Mammawannabe said...

Good thing they left behind some clues then! This gang's a coast-to-coast type gang...they need to be stopped...AND QUICKLY!