Here are some things I've discovered these past few months in my transformation from mundane 9-to-fiver into the fabulous undomestic goddess wannabe I currently am:
1. There actually is a limit to the number of times you can serve your children macaroni and cheese and frozen chicken nuggets. Even if the macaroni and cheese is Kraft.
2. Your house smells a lot better when you clean the toilets regularly as opposed to "when they look like they need it".
3. Soccer Moms do exist. Soccer Moms come in various shapes and sizes and some of them were planted here straight off the set of "Stepford Wives" in order to make newbie stay-at-home-moms feel even more inferior than they already felt.
4. It is impossible for a stay-at-home-mom to sleep in. Sleep is a naughty 5 letter word that SAHM's apparently aren't allowed to use, mumble, or otherwise act upon....AT ALL.
5. It's true that when you stay home, your house sometimes turns into a daycare. Complete with unruly children with very bad attitudes and haircuts to match.
6. It's also true that the arrival of the new "daycare kids" coincides with the amazing disappearance act of every stitch of food in your pantry.
7. It can also be said that other people's children can drive you to the brink of insanity. Which, honestly, makes it hard for you to drive ANYWHERE with these other people because you are feeling this intense need to "drive" them where their children have taken you. (NOTE: In these situations, it's best to keep both hands at your sides; refrain from grabbing the steering wheel).
8. The demand for late night activities with ones husband increases. This happens because the husband inevitably feels that since you are at home now, you are more relaxed (ie - you don't really do ALL that much during the day now, do you?). When you are more relaxed, you probably find your husband more attractive. I'm going to liken this phenomenon to chain vomiting. You know, one person throws up, another sees them and throws up, and it just goes on and on and on.
9. There are books to help those who cannot seem to run a house as efficiently as June Cleaver. Seriously, there are books!!!
10. There are also books on how to cook, yet another area of domesticity I haven't mastered, unless you count my unrivaled mastery of cooking Kraft Macaroni and Cheese while simultaneously baking cheesy chicken nuggets in the oven. Oh yeah, I make mean cereal too.
11. When you buy a minivan because you need to have more room to chauffeur around your own two kids and two dogs, apparently, this tells the world that you have room for their kids too. You've now become a bus driver without the ability to charge any money at all for the ride, and without the swanky drivers cap.
12. It is impossible to give up the vision of being a perfect mom when you stay home. Even after finding out that the perfect mom down the street attends swingers conventions and goes by the screen name "ScreaminGenie", you still hold tight to the dream of everyone on the face of the earth marveling at what a wonderful job you've done raising your kids, and, "Oh my! LOOK at how clean her house is!" Yeah, that's so not happening here...but, there's always tomorrow :)
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1 comment:
I did the stay at home mom thing for 7 years. I finally had to go back to work for my sanity.
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